Proud life invited emotional mentor: Star brother 80 graduated from Wuhan University national senior psychological consultant Wuhan TV station Marriage and child care consultant director of the happy life emotion section column "Star brother talk marriage" Share I have been exposed to the big and small real emotional cases of husband cheating/gender relations/mother-in-law and daughter-in-law contradictions/husband and wife feelings/single guide perhaps you can find the answer to welcome everyone into my emotional research institute to discuss and analyze emotional cases also hope to give is in emotional confusion spaghetti We bring help if you have a similar experience? Or do you have any advice you'd like to say to the client? Welcome to leave us a message in the comment area there are super benefits at the end of the article, you can join the "proud emotion class" community I will regularly send free voice emotion courses in the group Oh ~ [16] Husband after cheating to return to the family… Netizens voluntarily posted to ask: MS.H husband after the derailment for forgiveness, return to the family, but there are new problems between us. He told me that he had completely broken up with the woman, and his wechat phone had been blocked, but I still had bumps in my heart. Last night I asked him again with some clues, he did not admit, I think he is still lying to me, full of lies! I suspect they use I do not know the wechat trumpet contact, I am now very broken, he cried and swore to me that he would not contact again, and said that he would love me well in the future, but he did not do it. Why is he doing this to me? What am I doing wrong? What the hell am I supposed to do? Should I divorce him? But I can't part with my lovely daughter. I don't want her to grow up in a divorced family. ~ star brother answer: Now for his return, the current state of the two of you, give you the following analysis and suggestions: 1, in the face of the man who returns after cheating, Z taboo is to treat him with the attitude of the police to treat the prisoner. Obviously, after a series of trade-offs, the other side clearly knows what he wants, so he chooses to return. After the derailment choose to return to the man, the wife in the process of treating him, Z taboo is to keep digging up old scores, poking the man's pain, and keep saying things before. Some women think they're trying to fill their partner with guilt or a sense of debt. But in fact, if what he feels after his return is distrust and being judged and suspected, then his relationship with you can only be said to be delayed. If you have not put down your suspicion of him and let his heart slowly come back from the outside, then in the long run, under your high-pressure control, he will only rebel more and more and more frustrated. After Z leads to the breakup of the relationship. Many women said that he betrayed me, that no matter what he did, I could no longer trust him, could no longer forgive him. But you know, this is just your idea, in many men's ideas, cheating is wrong, but it is not a heinous capital crime, as long as the reason to return to the family, the wife and children are better, make up for the previous mistakes. In the events I have dealt with, many men who wanted to return to their families could not stand such mental torture and were tired of life, but really broke the jar and tried to escape from you. 2, you are not willing to accept the gap between "intention and result" From the marriage problems until now his return, you always have these ideas: "you belong to me" "I am so good to you, why can't you also treat me like this" "Why are you so cruel to me" and so on. This is a classic unwillingness to accept the "intention versus result" gap. You always want to exchange "good intentions" for "good feedback." If a person feels that good intentions should be granted good rewards. Then, for the other feedback of the other party, or did not give you the feedback you expected, she will feel wronged in her heart "I am so good to you, why is it so bad to me?" To engage in inappropriate behavior. So, since loving a person only gives you the right to do something for him, then any idea of "letting him know", "wanting him to respond", "wanting him to change", etc., is something outside of the right, but also belongs to your attempt to control him. These are possessive, burdensome loves. 3, you need to skillfully use some "silent love" to warm him at this time, you should not be a spectator with a view to observe him. You need to soften the relationship with some quiet love, or take it sideways. For example, when he accompanies the child, when he plays with the child, you can help beside, or you can hold the phone naughty film of the loving scene, muttering quietly: "I want to record this beautiful moment for you father and daughter." Then post a moment praising him. In the future, when more scenes like this are taken, you can also collect these photos, print them out, and make them into photo walls. In addition, also give him more hands, work together to accomplish something, praise him a lot, pay attention to his needs, give him a sense of accomplishment, with a sense of accomplishment will have more motivation. You are now in fact a reborn marriage, just like falling in love again, you need to show all the beautiful aspects of Z. ~ Women often ask me: I take great pains to manage this family and take care of his life, but why do men still cheat? I am beautiful, understanding, but why do men still cheat on a woman who is not as good as me? And protect her everywhere? Why do men cheat? What were they thinking when they cheated? How do they view the third party? ~~~~ one: Why men cheat What are they thinking when they cheat (1), contrast psychology - no comparison, no harm Z simple cognitive way is contrast. A relationship gets along for a long time, a man will unconsciously compare the temptation outside with his wife. Most of the reasons for this' contrast psychology 'are: A, your attraction is diminished, B, he needs emotional compensation, C, and the passion of sexual desire needs to be satisfied. Then, after the comparison to draw a conclusion about which is better, and then push the man to verify the results of his comparison choice. This is also one of the reasons why men always subconsciously defend their mistress after cheating. Men have strong self-esteem and face importance by nature, and when you say how bad the woman is, you are completely denying the man's vision at that time and denying the result of his comparison choice. No one likes to admit that he is wrong about someone, so instinctively, he must be on the opposite side of you. Once you stand on the opposite side, that is, on the same side as the small three, you feel more good about the small three. So, when your attraction is no longer, men's interest in you begins to wane; In addition, if you are too strong in getting along, the status and dignity of a man in the family will slowly weaken, then he will choose a girl who will worship the stars on his face. Make up in marriage and family wife can not give spiritual comfort, emotional compensation and so on. When a man finds a better woman than you after a series of trade-offs, he will choose to cheat. (2), fresh theory - can not get fresh forever after saying the "comparison psychology", some girls may feel: no, I think I am very good in all aspects, more than enough for him, but he derailed a woman who is not as good as me in all aspects, what is he thinking? This is where the "novelty theory" comes in. "There is a fairy wife at home, and after a long time, it will eventually be a setaria." Men are constantly pursuing novelty animals, love the new and hate the old is their physiological instinct, after the freshness is constantly satisfied, men will quickly produce boredom. In fact, every man has a curiosity for women other than his wife, and the curiosity of a woman will be more intense. So, even after comparison, the man found that the third is not as good as you, he will still have the possibility of cheating, which is from the sense of freshness. No matter how the woman at home is, the man is the same base, the food at home is not important, the outside has not eaten is fresh. (3) Plenty and free time and money When a man has a lot of money at his disposal and plenty of time out of your hands, cheating is easy. (4), the cost of cheating is low, no serious consequences men will be lucky in the early stage of cheating, feel that as long as they do careful will not be found. There are some men, for breaking up with you and divorce have no fear, feel that even if you know, there is no way to take him, the big deal is to break up divorce. There are no serious consequences, the cost of cheating is too low, and men are naturally unscrupulous. So it's important to learn to raise the cost of infidelity for men, and one simple way to do that is to take control of the finances. (5), White rose and Red rose All men want Zhang Ailing once used red rose and white rose to describe two types of women. "When a man gets the red rose, she becomes a touch of mosquito blood, and the white rose becomes the white moonlight in front of the window, so that he can not reach." When a man gets a white rose, she becomes a grain of rice, and the red rose becomes a vermilion mole on his chest, which is an eternal pain and an eternal sign. "Both white rose and red rose men want it, so there's going to be cheating. And cheating men have two compartments for emotion, the wife is the wife, the lover is the lover. The wife is responsible for the good wife and mother, able to manage the family; Lovers are responsible for all kinds of romantic, romantic and romantic. Second, there is no irreparable lover only attractive enough women when the affair happens, only a small number of women will choose not to forgive, most women will still choose to retain after the collapse of anger. So how do you turn the situation around at this time and let the man's heart return to you? The core is: "Reinvent yourself, rekindle your charm, be patient, bide your time." When the wife who used to share the bed not only has his own small business, economic independence, but also willing to invest for himself, live more and more moist, the man unconsciously has renewed interest in his wife; In addition, there are more and more contradictions between the three, but also nostalgia for the warmth of his wife. When the man returns home, he finds not only the warm home atmosphere he is familiar with, but also his wife's renewed attractiveness, especially physical attraction. This is of course more attractive to men. Therefore, there is no irreparable man, only not attractive enough women, depending on how much you are willing to pay for it. Some people may feel uncomfortable, why do men make mistakes, but women have to pay for it? Simple, because it's the men who make mistakes, but the women who don't want a divorce. Because you need each other more, you care more about this marriage. In the face of men's indifference and mistakes, if you can't leave with a strong heart, then you can only go to self-improvement, to learn to operate, there is no other way. Who can not do without, who must accept, and make changes, although cruel but is the reality. After adapting to married life for a period of time, many women will gradually give up themselves, and they will be more and more careless in managing and dressing themselves. No longer pay attention to the maintenance and renewal of their own attraction. In fact, when a relationship enters a stable period, it is also a high incidence period of affair, especially when a woman is in the 30-40 years old stage, its own appearance attractiveness will gradually decline. At this time, if other added values are not in a state of appreciation (such as the ability to work, vision, social skills, and even the ability to manage the home, etc.), it means that your value as a person is declining, and the value of men at this stage tends to increase rapidly. So there will be a gap, many affairs happen at this stage. Therefore, to enhance their own value, this is a lifetime should not give up the effort. Whether the post-Z man gives up the family, or returns, your value increase will make you more worth having, and you are good enough, but also afraid of no man to love you? There are many girls in the face of men cheating cheating, there will be a shift in the center of gravity. Because they now feel that, in addition to the third party, there is no barrier between them, which is actually a kind of cognitive bias. If your magnetic field is strong enough, he will naturally be sucked away by you, and he will not walk into her circle. Therefore, the focus is not on how to quickly remove obstacles, but on the reshaping and updating of its own attractiveness. In this way, the problem will be self-defeating, otherwise even if one so-called opponent is eliminated, another opponent will appear. You know, there is an endless stream of birds and swallows, but if a man's eyes can always stay on your body, these are no longer threats and obstacles. Three, in the face of the return of the man exactly how to correctly respond to tourists, if you want to view the hidden content of this post please reply then, exactly how to control your emotions? Tourists, if you want to view the hidden content of this post please reply spaghetti welfare is coming! 【 Proud emotion small class 】 Class opened ~ As a fan benefit, I will be in the group free voice teaching to identify cheating men playing with women's feelings Green tea? How to get out of a single dog? Husband cheating? A dispute between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law? Conflict in love? Breaking up and trying to fix it? All answers for you! Group entry method: Add the proud little sister wechat: tiandahui3 private letter application to enter the group can be free to enter the "proud emotion class" review of the past [Related articles · Click to read] [Star brother talk about marriage · Phase 3] No sex life! 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Thanks for the teacher to share ~ replies visible see see reply visible see replies visible see see see see see reply visible replies visible visible reply see see see see see see see reply visible reply visible see reply visible see reply reply Look look look look reply look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look look at the derailment to fight ghosts, directly change a man! Men with two feet are everywhere! Really can be cruel divorce (especially after having children) only 2 ~ 3 percent, most of them will be for the family (or love, reluctant) and not divorce I also, cheated but also take care of his emotional feelings? How do you fix the hurt of the cheating partner? You licked your face back, don't blame me for not giving you face, eat but but roll out Yes, you said of course is right, the original deserved
